帮忙批改雅思作文

Topic:Somepeoplebelievethatteenagersshouldlearnallschoolsubjects,whileothersclaimthatstudentsshouldfocusonthesubjectsthattheyarebestatorthattheyareinterestedin.Discussbothviewsandgiveyouropinion.

Inmanyplacesoftheworld,itiscommonthesedaysforstudentstolearnallthesubjectsatschool.While,somepeoplethinkitisnotessentialforthemtodothat,theycanchoosethepartofsubjectswhichtheyareinterestedinorgoodat.

Thesepeoplebelievethatletstudentsselectwhatcoursestheywanttolearnbythemselvesisverybeneficial.Studentswillbecomingmorepositiveinlearningandgivefullplaytotheirenergybecauseofit.Inaddition,itisalsothebestwayforthemtogetaclearperspectiveofwhattheyarehopingtodowiththeirlivesinthefuture,whichisnotlikelytothosestudentswhodonotknowwhattheytodoafterblindlystudyallthecourses.What'smore,itprovideachanceforthesestudentswhoarenotexcellentenoughinallcoursesyethaveagoodcommandofone,toshowtheirstrikingtalent.

However,theyareprobablywrong.Teenagersshouldlearneverysubjectintheirschool.Manyoftheseteenager'sthougharenotverymature,theyselectitbecausetheylikeitatthattime,whileafterafewmonthslate,theybegintofeelthesubjectisnotasinterestingastheirthought,thentheywillsoongettriedofstudying,whichisthelastthingpeoplewouldwant.Furthermore,ifteenagersdonotlearnallsubjects,howdotheymakeoutwhatsubjectstheyarebestatorcareabout?Iftheychoosemajorinscience,howdotheyexpressitclearlywithlackoflanguagetraining?

Sooverall,myviewisthatteenagersmaytrytolearnallschoolsubjectsintheirstudycareerinsteadofselectingtolearn.Itwillenablethemtobroadentheirhorizons,andfindarealsuitablepositionforthemselves.

要到6分怎么改?语法怎么改?