谁能帮我批改一下我的雅思作文啊?
我雅思写作垃圾,我看的是慎小嶷的10天写作
Manypeopleworkathomeusingmoderntechnology.Somepeoplethinkonlytheworkersbenefitfromthis,nottheemployers.Doyouagreeordisagree?
Inthisdayandage,therehasbeenmuchdisputeoverwhetheronlytheemployeescanprohitfromthemoderntechnology,notthebosses.InthisessayIwillanalysethishot-buttontopic.
Thereisnosurprisingthehigh-tectisverycrucialforworkersatpresent.Techtnologyenableworkerstobelesstime-consumingandmoreeconomical.Asaconsequence,peoplecanworkathome,whowillnotsufferfromthetrafficjamandthecrowds.Also,itoffersaneasysurroundings,theyarenotconfrontedwiththeboss'sgravefaceanymore;hence,ittendstobemoreefficiencyanditcanrelaxtheirmind,emotionandbodies.Obviously,theconfortableenvironmentmayfulfillworkers'potiential,whichwillgeneratemorebeneficialresults.Workingathome,itisaneco-friendlystyle.Forinstance,individualsmaygiveupusingtheprivateautomobiles,whichalwaysproducesavastamountoftoxicgasandaggravatetheecosystem.
Ontheotherhand,withtheproliferationofusingmodernscience,theemployersalsoexperiencestheadvantagesofnewtechnology.Almosttheemployersaresobusythattheycannothaveenoughtimetohandleotherthings.Butthesituationhasbeenchangedbynewscience,whichcanhelpthemsharethestressandtasks.Forexample,thesmartphonescaneditthedocumentsandthentranserittotheoffice.Secondly,atellingexampleisthat,tousethetechnologywillbemoreeconomicalforthem.Itwillnotrenttheofficeanylonger.Incontrast,theemployersusedtospendalotofmoneyfortherentandutilities.
Basedontheargumentofferedabove.Theworkersnotonlybenifitfromthemodernscience,butalsotheemployerscanreducealotofcost.SoIthinktheauthortiesshouldallocatemorefundstothenewscience,whichcanhelpusenhancestandardofliving.