问题标题：
雅思这样的小作文能拿几分啊These2chartstellmethathowmanyJapanesetraveledabroadbetween1985and1995andpercentagecomingtoAustralia.TherewasagentleincreaseinthenumberofJapanesetravelingabroadfromabout4.5millio
问题描述：
雅思这样的小作文能拿几分啊
These2chartstellmethathowmanyJapanesetraveledabroadbetween1985and1995andpercentagecomingtoAustralia.
TherewasagentleincreaseinthenumberofJapanesetravelingabroadfromabout4.5millionin1985toabout14.5millionin1995.Therewasaslightdecreasefromabout10.5millionin1990toabout10.4millionin1991.Onthewhole,thenumberoftravellingabroadwasgoingup.
ThesecondchartshowsthepercentagecomingtoAustralia.Obviously,thepercentagein1994ismorethan3timesasthepercentagein1985.Therewasafastdeclinefromabout48%in1988toabout42%in1989.Furtermore,thesecondreductionhappenedin1993.Tosumup,thepercentagecomingtoAustraliaisagrowingtrend.
ThesechartsmakemebelievethatdecreasingJapaneseprefertogotoAustraliatoenjoytheirvactioninrecentyears.
这样的作文有4分吗?、、
马卫华回答：
5
给你点建议：）
tellme这些第一人称我觉得不太正式,关键是阐述数据和趋势,可以show,indicate,illustrate,show,demonstrate这些词
还有你有没有发现自己很喜欢用系表结构啊,大都是therebe,xxxis,多变换些句型把,说increaseslightly也行哈.加点状语前置,还有活用动词.
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