Theessaywaswellwritten.Ifyoucompleteditwithinthetimegiven,Itwouldbewelldone.Youcouldachieveamark6+withit.However, therearestillroomstoimprove.Ihopeyoukeepworkinghard.Mark7isachievableforyou.Goodluck! 　　Asthetimepassesby,internationalityaffectsnotonlybusinessorotherareawefamiliar,butalsomusic,anoldartwhichhavemoreandmoreinfluencedbyhightechnology. 　　Asthetimepassesby,internationalityaffectsnotonlybusinessand 　　othersectorswearefamiliarwith,butalsothemusic,anoldartwhichhasbeeninfluencedmoreand 　　morebymordenhightechnology. 　　Manyargumentsaretakenaboutwhichonehavemoreimportance,ourowncountry'straditionalmusicortheglobal-heard-music? 　　Quitemanyargumentshavebeenraisedaboutwhichoneismoreimportant,ourowncountry'straditionalmusicorthemusicfromothercountriesthatisgloballypopularmusic? 　　Ithinkbothofthemarevaluable,andneithershouldberegardedhigher. 　　Inmyopinion,bothofthemarevaluable,andIdon'tthinkeithershouldberegardedassuperiortoanother. 　　Ontheonehand,mordenmusicisverycrucialtomordenpeopleinmordensociety. 　　Ononehand,mordenmusiciscrucialtopeopleofthemordensociety. 　　Anyonelivedinthisworldneedsneo-music,soasoursociety. 　　Mostpeopleliveinthisworldneedsuchneo-music,sodoesoursociety. 　　Gangnan-style,thefamousmusiccreatedbykoreanstarwasplayedeverywhereontheEarth. 　　Gangnan-style,thefamoussongandmusiccreatedbyakoreanstarhasbeenplayedeverywhereontheEarth. 　　Manyotherinternationalmusictransferwidely,too.Inthissituation,howcanonesaystheInternationalmusicisnotimportant? 　　Manyothermusicalworkdonebypeoplefromdifferentcountrieshavealsospreadwideinternationally.CanonesimplysaytheInternationalmusicisnotthatimportantuptothesituation? 　　Ontheotherhand,traditionalmusiccouldstillplayabigroleineverydaylife. 　　Ontheotherhand,thetraditionalmusiccanstillplayabigroleinourdailylife. 　　Firstofall,theoldartdonotmeetsciencewhentheyareborn,butitnotmeanstechnologycannothelpthem. 　　Firstofall,theoldartdidn'tenjoymuchofthemordentechnologyasitappearedearlier.Howeveritdoesn'tmeanitcanbe immunefromtheimpactofthemorderntechnology. 　　Secondary,oldmusicisenjoyableastheyeverwas,audienceoftraditionmusicincludesbotholdandyoungpeople. 　　Secondary,oldmusicisstillenjoyableastheyhaveever been,thepublicfavorersofthetraditionalmusichaveexpandedfromtheoldtotheyoung. 　　Forthelast,tranditionalmusicstandsforthepastofthecountry,meansthehistoryofus,holdsthememoryofourancients. 　　Finally,thetranditionalmusicstandsforthepastofacountry,presentsthehistorytousandbringsus thememoryofourancients. 　　Intheconclusion,tranditionalmusicisveryimportanttous,althoughwestepinamordenworld. 　　Inconclusion,tranditionalmusicisstillveryimportanttous,althoughwehavestepped 　　intoamordenworld. 　　Soallinall,Ibelievetranditionalandinternationalmusiccouldinvolveinoursociallifefitful,boththetwokindofthemusicarecru