求求一个懂雅思老师帮我改一改雅思作文改改语法等等最好给我提点建议和给个分数哈

Inthisessay,iwillattempttofindoutthemaincausesoftheseproblemsandprovidesomeusefulmeasureswhichmaycontrolthem.

Inmyopinion,mostofthemdonothavehealthyhabits,whichresultsintheirincreasingweight.Unhealthydietisconsideredasanimportantcause.Thosewholiketoeatjunkfood,suchaschips,barbecueandhamburgers,absorbtoomanycaloriessothattheyeasilybecomefatter.Inadditiontothis,irregulardietandlessbalanceddietarealsothesignificantfactorsresultinweightincreasing.Second,itcannotdenythatlackofphysicalexerciseisavitalreasoncausespeoplefatterandweaker.Somanymiddleclasswithalotofstress,theycannotsetasideevenalittletimetodosomeexercise.Therearenowaystothemtoconsumetheirfatsotheygetfatandweakeasily.

Ifeelthattherearetwowaystocontrolthisproblem.First,allformsofmediashouldadvertisehowimportantthehealthyhabitstoourlivesandencouragepeopletobreakbadhabits.Secondourgovernmentshouldrolloutsomepoliciestoensureeveryonehaveenoughtimetodoexercise.Maybethesepolicieswillcutdowntheworking-time,butifpeoplehaveahealthybodytheycandothejobsefficiently.Wewillseethatwegetmorethanlost.

Onthewhole,idonotbelievethatwecaneverridtheseproblemsoutofoursociety,butifthemeasuresihavesuggestedherewerewelltaken,iamconvincedthatwewouldseeanimprovement.