字典翻译 问答 小学 作文 麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分?谢谢~题目:Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodortea
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麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分?谢谢~题目:Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodortea
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麻烦大家帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能得几分?谢谢~

题目:Somepeoplebelievethatunpaidcommunityserviceshouldbeacompulsorypartofhighschoolprogrammes(forexampleworkingforacharity,improvingtheneighbourhoodorteachingsportstoyoungerchildren)Towhatextentdoyouagreeordisagree?

文章:Nowadays,withtheimprovementofsociety,dozensofhighschoolsrequesttheirstudentstodosomeunpaidcommunityservice.Igoalongwiththisidea,andIesteemthisisabenefittostudents;theycanacquiremanythingsfromthis.

Ithinkvolunteeringisagoodwaytodeveloptheabilityofstudents.Whenthestudentvolunteerstheycanfindconfidence.Forexample,whentheyfinishworksuccessfully,thepartnerwillgivethemthanksandencouragement;theycangetsenseofachievement.Inaddition,theycanboosttheirabilityofexpression.Forinstance,theyneedtotalkwithotherpeoplewhiletheywork,sotheycanimprovethiscapabilityveryquick.Moreover,theirorganisationcapabilitywillhaveabigenhancement.Forexample,theyhavetoarrangesomethings,andsometimestheyneedtointroducetheworktoanewbie;theyneedtoteacheverythingtonewbie.Thus,theyobligetolearnaboutandorganizeeverythingfirstly.

Inmyopinion,volunteeringisadecentexperienceforeveryone.Thestudentcanlearnhowtohelpotherpeople.Forinstance,whenthepeoplearecoming,theyneedtogivepeoplehelp,andtheywillknowthesignificanceofaidingothers.Ontheotherhand,theycanobtainworkexperience.Alotofcompaniespayattentiontotheworkexperienceofapplicants,andvolunteeringisakindofworkexperience;itiscrucialforthestudentinthefuture.

AsfarasIamconcerned,volunteeringisabenefittosociety.Thisexperiencecanenhancethequalityofpeople.Forexample,thestudentcanlearnlotsofpositivethingswhiletheyvolunteer,andtheycanhaveanexecllentchange.Aboveall,thiswaycansavelaborcosts,becausetodaylaborcostsareveryexpensive,throughthismethodwecansavelotsofmoney.

Overall,Ibelievevolunteeringisplummyforstudents,andthroughthiswaytheycanboosttheircapabilityandgainsomesubstantialexperience.Meanwhile,ithelpsthesociety,hence,weshouldagreetheschoolaskstudentstovolunteer.

崔学雷回答:
  Thisisverygood!Areyouinhighschooloruniversity?   Someadvices:   1)youusedquitealotoftheword"things","everything".Youshouldtrytouseexactwords.Forexample,inthefirstparagraph,"theycanacquiremanythingsfromthis"canberewrittenas"theycanacquireexperienceswhichtheycanneverthinkof".   2)Inthesecondparagraph,"organisationcapability"shouldbe"organisingcapability".   3)Inthethirdparagraph,don'tunderstandwhatdoyoumeanby"thesignificanceofaidingothers"   4)"AsfarasIamconcerned"shouldbe"AsfarasIamconcern"."concern"isalittlebitstrangetoChinese.Theworditselfispassive.Wedonotneedtoadd"ed"tomakeitpassive.   5)Idon'tthinksavingmoneyasolidpointinthisarticle.Inallcircumstances,thegovernmentshouldhelppeople.Volunteeringshouldbesomethingextraforthesocietytobemoreharmonic.   6)Changingtheattitdueofstudentsmaybeanotherpointtosupport.   Hopethesecanhelp.
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