字典翻译 问答 小学 作文 写了篇雅思大作文,字数有点超.求百度大牛给予批改,欢迎各种批斗Shouldsuccessfulsportsprofessionalsearnmoremoney?Somepeoplethinkitistotallyunfairtotheircareerwhohaveagoodperformancealsoinotherfields,whi
问题标题:
写了篇雅思大作文,字数有点超.求百度大牛给予批改,欢迎各种批斗Shouldsuccessfulsportsprofessionalsearnmoremoney?Somepeoplethinkitistotallyunfairtotheircareerwhohaveagoodperformancealsoinotherfields,whi
问题描述:

写了篇雅思大作文,字数有点超.求百度大牛给予批改,欢迎各种批斗

Shouldsuccessfulsportsprofessionalsearnmoremoney?Somepeoplethinkitistotallyunfairtotheircareerwhohaveagoodperformancealsoinotherfields,whilesomepeoplethinkitisjustifiedforsportsprofessionalstogetagreatdealsalary.

Whenitcomestounfairforsportsprofessionaltogetmoresalarymayhavetworeasons:Firstly,thesportsprofessionals,Itmightnotthetalentandhardworkingfromathletehimselforherself,butbesupportedbystronglyscientificteamwhichhavehighlydevelopedtechnologytopromotetheathletic'sperformance,suchassetsolidtimeforsupplyingnutritionaccuratelyandputsensedeviceintheirclothesinordertotestheart-beat-rate.Inotherwords,high-techproportionisoccupiedatleast50%oftheirperformances.Secondly,professionalsofsporthavemorechancestogetabetterscore.Ontheonehand,theathleteshavetoattendthetrainingeverydaysincethebuddingathleteshadchosenfromveryearlyage,apparently,moretimestheygotforenhancingtheirphysicalpower.Ontheotherhand,theverycompetitionbetweencompetitorseveninasameteam,whichconductabuddingathletetostrengthenhimselforherselfautomatically.However,thesereasonscannothidetheperformancethatsuccessfulprofessionalhadmade.

陈里铭回答:
  通篇看了一下,逻辑不是很清楚,定语从句过度使用,连接词用法错误,定语从句第三人称单数没有用好,词语的同意代用基本没有.5分到5.5分水平.   晚上我帮你改一下.
冉晓强回答:
  谢谢仁兄!盼复~
冉晓强回答:
  请原谅我无法在你的原有文章上改,但是我按照你的立意基本上重写了一篇,写的比较急可能会有一些词汇和语法的问题,你比较一下看看和你的有什么不同,字数太多无法写到这里,请见附件的word,有问题追问。
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