字典翻译 问答 小学 作文 雅思大牛们,麻烦帮忙看看这篇作文吧!麻烦各位大牛看看有什么问题,哪里需要提高...话说我之前考,写作最高也就5.5,太低了太低了...现在想要提到6...有好心大牛能够帮忙改改更好啊!Anincreasi
问题标题:
雅思大牛们,麻烦帮忙看看这篇作文吧!麻烦各位大牛看看有什么问题,哪里需要提高...话说我之前考,写作最高也就5.5,太低了太低了...现在想要提到6...有好心大牛能够帮忙改改更好啊!Anincreasi
问题描述:

雅思大牛们,麻烦帮忙看看这篇作文吧!

麻烦各位大牛看看有什么问题,哪里需要提高...话说我之前考,写作最高也就5.5,太低了太低了...现在想要提到6...有好心大牛能够帮忙改改更好啊!

Anincreasingnumberofpeoplechangetheircareerandplaceofresidenceseveraltimeduringtheirlives.Isthisapositiveornegativedevelopment?

Neverhavechangesofoursocietyorindividualsbeensonnumerousastheyaretoday.Intermsofindividuals,thenumberofpeoplewhoaltertheiroccupationandplaceofrecidenceconstantlyisgrowing,whichsincepeoplehaveincreasinglyownthoughtsandlookforwardtogaindebelopmentorpromotion.Forthissituation,therearebothadvantagesanddisadvantages.

Changingcareerandresidencehasseveralbenefitsforindividuals,companiesandoursociety.Thereisnodenyingthefactthatanumberofpeopledonotsatisfywiththeircurrentjoborresidence.Asaresult,applyinganewjobormovingtoanothermoresuitableplaceisaneffetivewaytoobtainopportunitiesofadvancementevenmorepositivecareerprospects.Futhermore,itenableindividualstoexpendtheiroutlook,enrichtheirxeperienceandknowaboutdiverseculture,whichmakepeoplehavemoreabilitiesofcompetition.Additionally,thefact,peoplechangingtheirjob,meanscompainesneednewemployeeswhowouldbringaboutfreshblood,creativeabilityandadvancedthoughtstoreplacepreviouspeople.Thecompanwouldbenefitsfromthecommunicationbetweentalentedpersonfromdifferententerprisessuchasimprovementofcompanyculture,infomationgaboutcompetitorsandmoresfficienttechnology.Besides,oursoucietywouldbemoreactiveduetothesechanges.Ifindividualsnevermakeanychanges,itwouldbehardtoimaginehowoursocietylike.

Eventhoughthereareabunchofadvantages,thesechangesalsobringaboutpositiveimpactforus.Asweallknow,itisalongtimethatemployeesarriveattopsoftheircareer,sincetheymustaccumulateexperience,evenspendmuchtimeonwaittinganuncommonchancefirthis.Sotheywouldlosealltheirfundationthatestablishedforseveralyearsiftheyaltercareerorresidenceoften.Itisnodoubtthattheyneedcostalonganduncertaintimetoadopttonewenvironment.Companiesthatthesepeoplestayedwouldfaceseveralcrucialproblemslikethetalentflight,losingoftradesecr

廖仁回答:
  首先,我是对托福有点了解,雅思的情况不清楚,托福上也不算大牛.我根据托福的要求在前两段做了点修改.说实话,你的逻辑不够完善,总起段已经从individual的角度去说,这个……根据雅思的要求你看下,反正前后有点问题.另外就是你的语法相对欠缺,这个可能是阻碍你拿高分的最大障碍.我的修改仅仅针对语法,不涉及词句和意思,一方面是我不敢根据托福要求乱改,另一方面我的目的是希望你注意并在今后加强表达的严谨.   Neverhavechangesofoursocietyandindividualsbeensonumerousastheyaretoday.Intermsofindividuals,thenumberofpeoplewhoaltertheiroccupationsandplacesofrecidenceconstantlyisgrowing,sincepeoplehavebeenincreasinglyowningthoughtsandlookingforwardtogainingdevelopmentorpromotion.Inthissituationarebothadvantagesanddisadvantages.   Changingcareerandresidencehasseveralbenefitsforindividuals,companiesandoursociety.Thereisnodenyingthefactthatanumberofpeoplearenotsatisfiedwiththeircurrentjobsorresidence.Asaresult,applyingforanewjobormovingtoanothermoresuitableplaceisaneffetivewaytoobtainopportunitiesofadvancementandevenmorepositivecareerprospects.Futhermore,itenablesindividualstoexpandtheiroutlook,enrichtheirexperienceandknowmoreaboutdiversecultures,whicharmspeoplewithstrongercorecompetition.Additionally,thefactthatpeoplechangetheirjobsmeansthatcompainesneednewemployeeswhowouldbringaboutfreshblood,creativityandadvancedthoughtstoreplacepreviousstaff.Thecompanywouldbenefitfromthecommunicationwithtalentedpersonsfromdifferententerprisesinmanyaspects,suchastheimprovementofcompanyculture,thecollectionofinfomationaboutcompetitorsandmoresophisticatedtechnology.Besides,oursoucietywouldbemoreactiveduetothesechanges.Ifindividualsnevermadeanychange,itwouldbehardtoimaginewhatoursocietywillbelike.   一些表达不妥当的地方请自行斟酌……
点击显示
作文推荐
热门作文推荐
  • 语文
  • 数学
  • 英语
  • 科学
  • 作文