LivinganAdventurousLife

NearlytenyearsagoIwastoldthatIhadabraintumor(瘤)，andthisexperiencechangedmyattitudeaboutadventureforever．IthoughtthatIwasgoingtodieandthatallmyadventureswereover．Ididnothaveabraintumoritturnedoutbutrathermultiplesclerosiswhichmeantthatalthoughtheywerenotoverthenatureofmyadventurescouldhavetochange．

EachmorningthatIwakeupisafresheventsomethingthatImightnothavehad．EachgesturethatImakecarriestheweightofuncertaintyanddemandssignificantattention;buttoningmyshirtchangingalightbulbwalkingdownstairs．Imightnotbeabletodoitthistime．IfIcouldnotdelightinthemtheywouldlikelydrownmeinangerandinself-pity．

Iadmirethegrandadventuresofothers．Ireadaboutthemwithinterest．WithPeterMatthiessenIhavehikedacrosstheHimalayastotheCrystalMountain．IhavewalkedwithAnnieDillardupdownintoandacrossTinkerCreekinallSeasons．DavidBainhasgonewithmealong110milesofPhilippinecoastandEdAbbeyhasrowedmedowntheColoradoRiverIenjoytheadventuresofthesecourageousfigureswhocanstrikeoutondifficulttrips——2miles250miles3000miles——readytobearcoldandtiredness——indeednotjusttobearbuttocelebrate．

ButasformeIcannolongerwalkveryfarfromthearmchairinwhichIread．SomedaysIdon’tevenmakeittothebackyard．AndyetI’munwillingtogiveuptheadventurouslife：thedifficultyofiteventhepaintheanxietyandfearandthesuddenbriefliftofspiritthatmakesahardjourneymoreattractive．

Irefineadventuremakeitsmallerandsmaller．AndnowwhenIammovingonmyhandsandkneesacrossthediningroomtohelpmycat．Lyingwide-eyedinthedarkbattlinganotherperiodofsadnessgatheringflowersfromthegardenmeetingafriendforlunchIamalwayshavingtheadventuresthatareminetohave．