我希望较权威的朋友帮我改改我的雅思作文我不知道自己作文到底什么地方还不够!顺便给个分数.

Somepeoplesaythatchildrenshouldbedisplinedintheirearlyage,andpunishmentshouldbeused.tosomeextentdoyouagree?

Whatkindofpunishmentcanbeusedbyteachersandparents.

Whenitcomestotheissuewhethershouldparentsandteacherspunishthestudent,peoplearestandingdifferentground.someconvincethatpunishmentwillhurtthechildrenanditwillleaveashadeinchildren’smemory,whichwillinfluencetheirholelives.However,somepeoplehaveaoppositeidea,theybelievethatchildrenshoulddisplinedintheirearlyage,andpunishmentshouldbeused.

AsfarasIamconcerned,thelatterismorereasonable.

Ibelieveproperpunishmentisbeneficialtochildrentoformgoodbehavior.Asweallknow,people’sbehaviorandhabitsarealwaysconstructedatearlyageandtheproperpunishmentcantellthechildrenwhatshoulddoandwhatshouldnotdo.Onceinmyearlyage,IpickedupthemoneyonthedesktobuysomecandybutdidnottellmyparentsbecauseIamafatgirlandmyparentsdidnotallowmetoeatsuger.Eventuallyitwasdiscoveredbymymother,shewasquiteangeryandpunishedme.Iknowthatshedonotwanttopunishmebutshewantmetoformagoodbehavior.thereforethepunishmentisveryimportantinchildren’syoungage.

However,itisnotallthepunishmentwecanadaptbecausethepunishmentisnotthepurposeinsteaditisakindofapprouchtoeducatethechildren.Soteachersandparentsshoulduseitproperly.Parentscanpunishtheirchildrenthroughsomehouseworkwhichcaneducatetheirkidsinsteadofadaptingviolence.Intheschool,teachercancultivatethechildrenthroughdoingsomecleaningorhavesomeexercisewhichnotonlycaneducatethembutalsobuilduptheirhealth.

Ingeneral,aslongaswemakeproperuseofthepunishment,canchildrenbenefitfromit