【GRE作文写了一篇ARGUMENT求教啊~"Doctorshavelongsuspectedthatsecondaryinfectionsmaykeepsomepatientsfromhealingquicklyafterseveremusclestrain.Thishypothesishasnowbeenprovedbypreliminaryresultsofastudyoftwogroups】|小学作文问答-字典翻译问答网

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【GRE作文写了一篇ARGUMENT求教啊~"Doctorshavelongsuspectedthatsecondaryinfectionsmaykeepsomepatientsfromhealingquicklyafterseveremusclestrain.Thishypothesishasnowbeenprovedbypreliminaryresultsofastudyoftwogroups】

问题描述：

GRE作文写了一篇ARGUMENT求教啊~

"Doctorshavelongsuspectedthatsecondaryinfectionsmaykeepsomepatientsfromhealingquicklyafterseveremusclestrain.Thishypothesishasnowbeenprovedbypreliminaryresultsofastudyoftwogroupsofpatients.Thefirstgroupofpatients,allbeingtreatedformuscleinjuriesbyDr.Newland,adoctorwhospecializesinsportsmedicine,tookantibioticsregularlythroughouttheirtreatment.Theirrecuperationtimewas,onaverage,40percentquickerthantypicallyexpected.Patientsinthesecondgroup,allbeingtreatedbyDr.Alton,ageneralphysician,weregivensugarpills,althoughthepatientsbelievedtheyweretakingantibiotics.Theiraveragerecuperationtimewasnotsignificantlyreduced.Therefore,allpatientswhoarediagnosedwithmusclestrainwouldbewelladvisedtotakeantibioticsaspartoftheirtreatment."

下面是我写的,可能放不下,分开贴

Inthisargument,thearguerconcludesthatallpatientssufferingfrommusclestrainwouldbewelladvisedtotakeantibioticsaspartoftheirtreatment.Tostrengthenthisconclustion,thearguercitesastudyoftwogroupsofpatientsofmusclestrain.Alsothearguerprovidesthestatisticsindicatingthatpatientstakingantibioticsrecoveredmorequicklythanthosetakingsugarpills.Atfristglance,theargumentmightbesomewhatreasonable,howeverclosescruntinyrevealsthatitcontainsseverallogicalflawsandisthereforeunpersuasive.

Firstofall,there'safalsecausalrelationshipbetweenthehypothesisandthestudy.Althoughthehypothesisandthestudyarebothrelatedtomusclestrain,theformerclaimsthatsecondaryinfectionscouldpreventpatientsfromhealingquicklywhilethelatterinvestigatestheactiveeffectofantibioticsonthosepatients.

Second,thearguerfailstoconsiderthepossibledifferencesbetweenthosetwogroupsofpatients,thuscausesanunconvincingcomparison.Forexample,perhapspatientsofthesecondgroupprimarilyconsistofyoungpeoplewhiletheothergroupofoldpeopleonthecontrary.Commonsenseinformsmethattheformerrecoversmuchfasterthanthelatterinthecaseofmusclestrainbecauseofhermonesecretionandmetabolism.Withoutrulingoutalltheotherpossibilities,Icannotacceptthearguer'scon

任维娟回答：

　　第一段有三个拼写错误：conclusion,first,scrutiny. 　　第二段个人认为分析不到位,可加上这样一段：Withouttheevidenceshowingthatantibioticshavetheeffecttopreventpatientsfromsecondaryinfections,thearguerfailstosupportthecausalrelationshipbetweenthehypothesisandthestudy. 　　第三段拼写错误：first；且倒数第二句话becauseof部分个人认为语义含糊,可改为：becauseoftheformer'shigherefficiencyofhormonesecretionandmetabolism. 　　第四段拼写错误：shortened；另外,本段缺少一个总结句,如：Sinceallthesecasesnotclarified,theconclusionthattheantibioticsarethekeytotheshortenedrecuperationtimeofthefirstgroup. 　　第五段拼写错误：attributable,possibilities,beneficial；另外,该段论证的观点很好,但个人以为在写法上有些偏了,如首句可改为这样：Finally,eveniftheshortenedrecuperationtimeisattributabletotheuseofantibioticsforpatientsofthefirstgroup,theargueremphasizestoomuchontheuseofantibioticsbydrawingtheconclusionthatallpatientswhoarediagnosedwithmusclestrainshouldtakeantibiotics,sinceantibioticsmayhavesideeffectonpatientsandcauseanaphylacticreactions. 　　另外,原题还有一个漏洞就是两组的主治医生不同,一个是运动医药医生,而另一个是全科医生.当然,不写这一点可能也差不多了. 　　最后,少了一个总结段,应该补上,如：Tosumup,theargumentisunconvincingasitstands.Tosupportthecausalrelationshipbetweenthehypothesisandthestudy,thearguerhavetogiveevidencethatantibioticshavetheeffectstopreventpatientsfromsecondaryinfections.Tobetterassesstheargument,it'snecessaryformetoknowthatthetwogroupsareinnatelyandexternallyidentical.Alsothearguershouldreckonwiththesideeffectsandanaphylaticreactionsofantibioticswhenadvisestheuseofantibioticsonmusclestrain,whichwillmaketheconclusionmorepersuasive. 　　这样一来,全文结构就很完整了,而且字数也能达到五百以上. 　　希望对你有所帮助.

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