求帮改ielts作文,谢谢
目标6分,请指点语法错误,是否偏题了,如何改进,感激不尽
题目：Manyscientistsbelievethatnowwecanstudythebehaviorofathree-year-oldchildtoseewhethertheywillgrowuptobecriminals.Towhatextentdoyouthinkthehumannatureproducescrime?Andhowcanwepreventchildrenfromgrowinguptobecriminals?
Incontemporarysociety,itseemsthatthecrimerateincreaseseveryday.Inthemeantime,onetheoryclaimsthatwecanseewhetherchildrenwillbecomecriminalsinthefuturethroughstudyingtheirbehaviourduringtheperiodofchildhood.So,whetherhumannaturecanhardlyproducecrimeisanissueopentodebate.AsfarasIamconcerned,humannatureisjustasmallpartofthereasonsleadingtocrime.
Ontheonehand,crimeiscreatedbyavarietyoffactors.Tobemorespecific,inthefirstplace,themainreasonofcrimeisthelackofeducation.Moreexactly,crimeismainlybyreasonofthelackofeducationinmoralityandlaw.Sotherearealotofcriminalswhodonotknowitisilegalandwrongwhentheycommitacrime.Inthesecondplace,enviornmentisamoresignificantfactorproducingcrimethanhumannature.AccordingtoasurveyfromYaleUniversityin2005,Therearemorethan70%ofadolescentcriminalslivinginasingleparentfamily.Lastly,economyisanothervitalreasonforcrime.Itisprovedbythesurveythatincidentofcrimeindevelopingcountriesishigherthanthatindevelopcountries.
Ontheotherhand,indeed,humannatureisalsoafactorcreatingcrime.Tosomeextent,individuals’characterandmoodwhicharethereasonforcommitingacrimearedecidedbyhumannature.Somepeopleviolatethelawjustbecauseofbadmood.Evenso,thereasonabovecannotbethedecidablecauseasitisnodoubtthatcharaterisformedbymanyfactors,notonlyhumannature.Therefore,itcanbechangedbycontrollingotherfactors.
Inthefinalanalysis,humannatureisnotthemajorfactorleadingtocrime.Toenhancethequalityofeducation,tobetterthesocietyenviornmentandtopromotetheeconomyarethebestwaytopreventchildrenfromgrowinguptobecriminals.