请雅思高手帮我改下我的作文,
Q:Trafficandhousingproblemsinmajorcitieswouldbesolvedbymovingbigcompanies,factoriesandtheiremployeestothecountryside.Doyouagreeordisagree?
Inmodernsociety,withthedevelopmentofeconomyinmajoycities.Moreandmorecompaniesandfactoriesinvestinthesedevelopedcities.Theysetuptheirbusinessbycompetelandscapesincitiesandestablishbuildingsorfactoriesinordertocreatprofit.However,largeamountsofbuildingsandemployeesleadnumbersofpeopleincitiesincrease.Theycouldberaisetheproblemsoftrafficandhousing.Iaminfavorofthepointthatmovingbigcompanies,factoriesandtheiremployeestocountryside.
Asweallknow,whentherewasnobigcompaniesandfactories,citymustbepeaceandpeoplecouldnotupsetbytraffic.Now,withtheincreasedamountsofunlocaledemployeesinthosecompanies,everytimegoforworkinmorningandgohomeintheeveningtheremusthavetrafficproblems.Moreover,companiesandfactoriesmakeuplandscapestobuildbuildingsothatlocalresidentscouldnotbuyflattolive,.Ontheonehand,countrysideshavemorelandscapesforbigcompaniestobuildbuildingsandtherearemuchlesspeoplethancities.Employeeslivetherecaneasetrafficproblemincitiesthatwillnolongeraffectcities,Inanotheswords,bigcompaniesandefactoriestocountrysidescanboostlocaleconomywhichinprovelocalpeople’slives.
Ontheotherhand,providedthatcountrysidesadvancedbybigcompanies,itmaybecreatthesameproblemsascitiesintheend.Butthesephenomenonwillnotoccurinshorttime.Movingtocountriesjustashory-timemethodforthesakeoftrafficandhousingproblemsincities.
Inall,althoughbigcompaniesmovetocountrysidecannotsolveessencialproblems,itcanimprovethebadsituationsincitiesindegree.Ithinkgovernmentcantakegoodmeasuresinfuture.
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请问这篇作文能打多少分,我是考雅思作文的250词.哪里需要改进的指点下好吗?