跪求高手帮我的雅思作文点评打分,重点是打分
这是我第一次写作文,囧.
题目是老题：Insomecountriesyoungpeopleareengouragedtoworkortravelforayearbetweenfinishinghighschoolandstartinguniversitystudies.Discusstheadvantageanddisadvantagesforyoungpeopletodothis.
作文：
Whetheryoungpeopleshouldworkortravelforayearbetweenfinishinghighschoolandstartinguniversitystudiesisanissuethatarousescontroversy.Iwillcompareandcontrasttwotypicalopinionsregardingthisissue.
Therearereasonsforsomepeopletobelievethatyoungadultsshouldgetworkortravelbeforestartinguniversitystudies.Tobeginwith,youngadultscouldacquireknowledgeorskillsthroughtravelingorworking,whichenrichtheirsocialorproffessionalexperience.Surely,intermsofworking,theyaccumulatemoreworkexperienceatanearlyageandgreatlydealwithinterpesonalskills,relativelypeersofacceptinguniversitystudiesafterfinishinghighschool.Moreover,travellingorworkingshouldbebasedonpartlythatyoungpeoplegetsociallyandeconomicallyindependent.Consequently,youngpeoplecouldraisetheirawarenessofresponsibilitybyworking.Finally,totravelorwork,itisimperativethatyoungpeopleexpandtheiroutlook.Forinstance,travellingcouldrelaxtheirbodiesandeasetheirminds.Besides,youngpeoplepromotetheculturalcommunicationandinteration.
Ontheotherhand,someotherswoulddisagree.Thisisduetothefactthatsomeyoungadultsfeelunmotivatedabouttheirfuturestduies.Thus,theymaygetaclearperspectiveoffuturelife,especiallyaboutmoneywhentheygoaboutworkinholidayforayear.However,mostlyyoungpeopleareunclearregardingfuture.Andinthepresent,agraduationcertificateisincreasinglyimportant(e.g.applyforajob).
Toconclude,regardingthisissue,myownviewisyoungpeopleshouldworkortravel,whichexpandtheiroutlookbetweenfinishinghighschoolandstartinguniversitystudiesforayear.[有269字,主要是帮我看语法,自学的这是.]