MydaughterAllieisleavingforcollegeinaweek.Herroomispiledwithshoppingbagsfilledwithblanketstowelsjeanssweaters.Shewon’ttalkaboutgoing.

Isay“I’mgoingtomissyou”andshegivesmeoneofherlooksandleavestheroom.AnothertimeIsayinavoicesofriendlyitsurprisesevenme:“Doyouthinkyou’lltakeyourpostersandpictureswithyouorwillyougetnewonesatcollege?”

Sheanswershervoicefilledwithannoyance“HowshouldIknow?”

　Mydaughterisoffwithfriendsmostofthetime.Yesterdaywasthelastdayshe’dhaveuntilChristmaswithherfriendKatharinewhomshe’sknownsincekindergarten.SoonitwillbeherlastdaywithSarahClaireHeather...andthenitwillbeherlastdaywithme.

　MyfriendKarentoldme“TheAugustbeforeIleftforcollegeIscreamedatmymotherthewholemonth.Beprepared.”

　IstandinthekitchenwatchingAlliemakeaglassoficedtea.Herfaceoncesoopenandtrustingisclosedtome.Istruggletothinkofsomethingtosaytohersomethingmeaningfulandwarm.IwanthertoknowI’mexcitedaboutthecollegeshehaschosenthatIknowtheadventureofherlifeisjuststartingandthatIamproudofher.ButthelookonherfaceissomadthatIthinkshemighthitmeifIopenmymouth.

　Onenight—afteralongperiodofsilencebetweenus—IaskedwhatImighthavedoneorsaidtomakeherangrywithme.Shesighedandsaid“Momyouhaven’tdoneanything.It’sfine.”Itisfine—justdistant.

　Somehowinthepastwehadalwaysfoundsomewaytoconnect.WhenAlliewasababyIwouldgototheday-carecenterafterwork.I’dfindaquietspotandshewouldnurse—oureyeslockedtogetherreconnectingwitheachother.

　InmiddleschoolwhenothermotherswerealreadyregrettingthedistantrelationshiptheyfeltwiththeiradolescentdaughtersIhituponasolution:rescuemeasures.Iwouldshowupoccasionallyatschoolsignheroutofclassandtakehersomewhere—outtolunchtothemoviesonceforalongwalkonthebeach.Itmaysoundirresponsiblebutitkeptusclosewhenothermothersanddaughterswerequarrelling.Wetalkedabouteverythingonthoseoutings—outingswekeptsecretfromfamilyandfriends.

　WhenshestartedhighschoolI’dgetupwithherinthemorningtomakeherasandwichforlunchandwe’dsilently