求帮忙批改雅思大作文.
Topic：Successfulsportsprofessionalscanearnagreatdealmoremoneythanpeopleinotherimportantprofessions.Somepeoplethinkthisisfullyjustifiedwhileothersthinkitisunfair.
Discussboththeseviewsandgiveyourownopinion.
求帮忙批改打分加评价修改.
Inthisdayandage,famoussportstarscanearnalargeamountofmoneythantheprofessionalsinotherareas,whichintriguesaheateddebateoverthistopic.
Itisarguedthatthisphenomenonisnatural.Themajorityofthesportsmanaresenttothetrainningschoolintheirchildhood,inwhichtheypracticeskillsyearafteryear.Nopains,nogains.Thesportsprofessionalssacarificetheirhappiestyoungagetoperforminthecompetitionthepeopleallovertheworldmaybeinterestedin.Itisjustifiedforthembeingcapableofmakeenoughmoney.Somepeople,however,objectitforitisunfairfortheotherprofessionals.Theyholdtheviewthatitmaycausesmoreteenagerstakepartinthesportingareainsteadoflearninghardertogetothercareers.Thoseofficersdevotethemsevestoacareerdeserveacomparativehighsalaryfortheircontributiontosociety.
AsfarasIdeem,I'mmoreinfavoroftheformerviews.Successfulsportsstarssufferedalotofpainintheirpractice.Forexample,YaoMing,afamousbasketballplayerinChina,experiencedsomesugeriesbecausehewasbadlyhurtinthesportsevent.Themoreriskandsweatertheytake,themoremoneythedeserve.
Inconclusion,itisfairforsportsmentomakesubstantialmoney,Notallkindsofcareerdemandanexcellentperformanceoftheiremployees.
看了下范文感觉写的和那种形式非常不一样,这样的可以么?