话剧《荆轲刺秦王》 　　旁白(Aside)/介绍（Introduction）：Longagotherewasacrazycountry,inthiscrazycountrythereweresomecrazypeople,tryingtoshowthecrazyhistorybycrazyways.MrJingkewasthemostfamousswordsmanandwassenttokillkingofQing,“Yingzheng”.Butfinallyhefailed.Doyouwanttoknowwhathappenedatthattime?Okay,nextshowwilltellyouthetruth. 　　ActionI 　　太子丹（上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状）：Mirror,mirror,tellme,whoisthemostprettymanintheworld?(画外音：It’syou,PrinceDan!太子丹高兴状)Thankumirror!（面对观众）I’mPrinceDan,themagicmirrorsaidIamthemostattractivemanintheworld.ButYingZhengisajealousguy,Ifeelhewillkillmeifmirrortoldhimthetruth.Iamsoscared.SowhatcanIdo?(向幕里大叫)Whereismyminister? 　　阿三(毕恭毕敬):Honey,Iamcoming. 　　太子丹：I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smartanddearestPrinceDan”! 　　阿三：Sure,honey!Ihaveagoodidea.WecanfindaherotokillYingZheng~~~（作杀状） 　　太子：Ohyeah~~~.Whatisthemostexpensivecommodityinthiscentury?Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状）Goodidea!Butwhoistherightcandidate? 　　阿三：AfterscreeningIhavetwopromisingpersonsonhand.OneisMissLiMoChou,theotherisMrJinKe.TomorrowtheywillPKfortheNO1killeroftheworld. 　　太子：Well,showmethewinnerassoonaspossible,OK? 　　阿三：Yes. 　　ActionII 　　（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐） 　　荆轲 　　AreyouLimochou? 　　李莫愁 　　Yes. 　　荆轲 　　OK.I’mJingke,youknow,IwillletyouknowIamthekingofthekillers’world. 　　李莫愁 　　Areyouchallengingme? 　　荆轲 　　Offcourse!耸耸肩表示同意 　　李莫愁 　　Comeon! 　　音乐起 　　两人冲上前来 　　“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊.” 　　李莫愁倒地 　　荆轲大笑 　　李莫愁痛苦状：Whathappened?Whyaren’tyouhurt? 　　荆轲:Wedon'tneedanyreasontowinaperson.Don'twe?Dowe?（赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?） 　　李莫愁：Mommaalwayssaid:"Lifeislikeaboxofchocolates,Mochou.Youneverknowwhatyou'regonnaget."Igotit,Mommaisright. 　　荆轲再次大笑 　　太子丹上（抱拳）：Howareyou? 　　荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyou? 　　太子丹：OhmyGod!Couldyougivemeaninnovativeanswerto“Howareyou”? 　　荆柯：Sure! 　　太子丹：Howareyou? 　　荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyourwife? 　　太子丹晕倒 　　荆柯：Hey,man,I’mkidding! 　　太子丹：Oh,I’mkiddingtoo!（毕恭毕敬）MayIhaveyournamecard,please? 　　荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着： 　　Tobeornottobe,that'saquestion. 　　阿三：Hero,weneedyourhelp. 　　荆柯：Iambusynow! 　　太子丹：Youcangetalotofmoney. 　　荆柯：Iamverybusynow! 　　阿三：IC,ID,IQcard? 　　荆柯：Iamveryverybusynow! 　　阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状):Look!Sheisthemostbeautifulgirlintheworld.IfyousayO.K.,sheisyours. 　　荆柯（流口水）：Ihavetosaysheisaverysexyandbeautifulgirl,butTCMismyonlylove! 　　阿三：What?What’stheTCM? 　　荆柯;Hey,guy!Youlooksosmartbutwhyyoudidn’tknowTCM?Anyofthemcangiveyoutheanswer. 　　阿三：Excuseme?What’stheTCM? 　　观众甲：TCM-TraditionalChineseMM. 　　太子丹：Imustshowyouthetrumpcard.Ladiesandgentlemen,thisisLiptonSlimmingtea.ItisabrandnewproductofUnileverChina. 　　荆柯（激动）：S