问题标题:
雅思小作文求批改!(剑7Test2)第一次写.这个值6分么.ThisgraphdemonstrateshowtheamountoffishandsomeotherkindsofmeatconsumedbyEuropeancitizenschangedfrom1979to2004.Asisshowninthecurve,theconsumptionoffis
问题描述:
雅思小作文求批改!(剑7Test2)
第一次写.这个值6分么.
ThisgraphdemonstrateshowtheamountoffishandsomeotherkindsofmeatconsumedbyEuropeancitizenschangedfrom1979to2004.
Asisshowninthecurve,theconsumptionoffishremainedsteadyduringthisperiod(50gramsperpersonperweek).Lamb,whichwasconsumed150gramsin1979,wereeatenlessthanbefore.Itsconsumptionwasalmostdecliningallthetime,andtherefore,apersononlybought50gramsperweekin2004.Inaddition,it'sclearthatbeefwasthemostpopularchoiceforEuropeansin1979(220grams).However,theconsumptionofbeefhasbeenonthedecreasesincethen.In2004,thisfigurerespectivelydroppedto100.Ontheotherhand,chickenwereeatenmorebyEuropeansduringthistime.Theconsumptionincreasedfrom150to250gramsperpersonperday.
Obviously,chickenhasbecomethemostpopularmeat,overtakingbeef.
邵贝贝回答:
总体评分:6分
优点:能够把图表描述的非常清楚,句型和语法没有明显的错误,
缺点:描述的太过详细,有点像记流水账,文章最后自己的观点太少,只有那么一句话,可以再适当的发挥一些,还有可提升的空间!
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